Progress and development are essential for successful and meaningful life. Yet, is it possible to move forward if we don’t accept what we already have?
There can be misconceptions in your opinion of yourself which arose from different experiences in childhood as well as trauma and insecurities as an adult.
Judging yourself, comparing yourself to others and negative perception of your capabilities and performance is not helping you to be successful, fulfilled and happy. Rather it’s a downward spiral that is bringing your more obstacles and sufferings in your life.
It’s so hard to think “I am great. I look good. I make enough money. My life is good enough.” when you compare yourself to others. There will always be someone who is richer, slimmer, prettier or better in a particular field.
However, no-one has the same set of capabilities, values, personality, and perception of the world as you do. That is why no matter what bugs you, you are unique and you can accomplish nobody else in the world can.
But how can you prosper, flourish and develop yourself if you don’t accept yourself in the first step? Well, you can’t really.
First, you need to accept yourself – your weaknesses.
Only then you can develop your strengths.
The question is where to start and how to learn to accept yourself. Let me help you make this process easier.
Accepting Yourself Before Improving Yourself
As I mentioned earlier you should build upon the solid foundation. You don’t have a solid foundation if you don’t accept yourself and at the same time, you try to improve.
Stop Judging Yourself
You know what I’m talking about. Thoughts like “I will never be able to make it. I am fat. I am lame.” Those thoughts are toxic and won’t help you in any way.
How You Talk to Yourself
We tend to talk to ourselves negatively and blame ourselves for different things. The easiest way to stop this is to ask yourself a question: Would I say this to my best friend?
There is a huge difference in our reaction to a negative outcome. We should treat ourselves as we treat our best friends. We should be our own best friends and allies in life.
Make a List of Your Achievements
This one is easy. I bet you’ve already accomplished plenty of things throughout your life. You finished school, found your first job, bought an apartment, painted a painting, wrote a book? It doesn’t matter what is it, everything counts.
Don’t just think about your achievements, rather write them down and look at them every time you have doubts or you underestimate yourself.
How Other People’s Opinions Affect You
If you want to be successful and lead a meaningful life you should establish your own values and rules. If you crave other people’s appreciation then you are prone to bending your own expectations and opinions.
If somebody doesn’t like who you are or what you do, it’s his problem, not yours. You are the only person responsible for your life and other’s people opinions shouldn’t change you. These opinions should only be a ground for critical thinking which will eventually lead you to better outcomes.
Alter Your Expectations of Yourself
All the “if only’s” are useless. If only you were a professional athlete. If only you are able to speak two other languages. Well, you are not. Learn how to live with it and draw a line between what is achievable and what is not.
Achievable is almost anything, but the question is what are you willing to sacrifice. If you don’t want to sacrifice your personal life and spend 8 hours a day in a gym, you are not becoming a professional athlete. And it’s not a bad thing, it’s a decision.
Accept that you are only a human being and you can only do as much and nothing more. Choose wisely and don’t expect more of yourself that is possible.
Thank Yourself for the Positive Things You Have Done
Not only your achievements, but your kindness counts too. To lead a meaningful life you should not be only successful, but also kind.
What are the things you have done for others? Write them down too. Any time you doubt your value read them and I bet you will quickly feel better.
Forgive Yourself for the Negative Things
On the other hand, every one of us has done something we regret. Don’t blame yourself for too long. Learn from the experience, promise yourself you will do better in the future and move on.
Ask for Help When You Need It
Firstly, learn how to recognize when you need help, and you can’t manage the specific situation on your own. Then, when you realize this is the time, and you would use some help, don’t hesitate to ask for it. It’s not a shame. It’s the reason we live in communities. Someone always needs help. This time it can be you, and next time you will help someone else.
You shouldn’t tolerate everything rather explicitly know when something is too much. Don’t let other people do to you everything they like. Don’t do to yourself what is not helping you grow.
Set boundaries for other people, what they can ask of you and how they behave to you. Set boundaries for yourself, what you ask of yourself and how you behave to yourself.
Spread Kindness Around You
Your life is not only about yourself. You are surrounded by many people, with different level of impact on you. Their impact help to form you and make you who you are.
You have the same impact on others. Your impact can be negligible or huge. It depends on you, but you can’t make any mistake with spreading kindness around you, with helping others, or devoting yourself to some charitable activity.
It’s You Who Need to Accept Yourself, Not Others
Don’t build your confidence and your self-worth on the opinion of others of yourself. Nobody needs to approve your value, but you.
Learn That It’s OK to Make Mistakes
It doesn’t mean you are less of a person if you make a mistake. We all do. The important thing is how you react to that mistake and whether you try to eliminate its effects, whether you learn from it, and whether you try not to repeat it.
Make Yourself Feel Good
Don’t think negatively. Negative thoughts about yourself, others, the situation you are in or your life, in general, won’t help you accept yourself as a person.
You Are Enough
We all have strengths and weaknesses. We all doubt ourselves sometimes. We all make mistakes. We all have space for improvement. But this doesn’t mean we are not enough.
You definitely are smart enough, capable enough, good enough. Accept yourself, who you are, how you live and all nuances of your personality.
You are unique. You are irreplaceable. You are great.